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By the time a child has gotten in trouble for something, they already feel guilty, sorry and embarrassed about it.

Threatening to tell someone else rubs salt in the wound.

This clearly communicates the expectation and the consequence, without a threat.

Parents tend to want control all of the time, and it takes work to allow kids to have freedom to do what they choose.

We often try to teach lesson to kids about life at the most inappropriate times.

If a child gets hurt because they were doing something dangerous or inappropriate, they already learned their lesson.

First, you are threatening a child, which makes them fearful of you.

Second, the threat is usually not something that is feasible to do (we are going home, you are going straight to bed, you don’t get dinner, you are grounded for a week, etc.) What we say in frustration is not only impractical but easily forgettable. You can train yourself to be clear and concise, using choices.

I can’t tell you the number of times I hear that phrase when around other parents, even though it is highly ineffective.

I will also give the Play Therapy based alternative with a short explanation of why it is more effective.

Kids hear the word “no” far too frequently (Read more about that here).

Telling a child that they can’t do something makes them prove that they can, by telling you or showing you that it is in fact possible.

Telling a kid to not do something makes them want to argue or rebel.

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Choose whether the other person really needs to know about the issue, and if yes, let the child decide who will tell them.